| Friday, February 11th, 2005 |
| 12:14 am |
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| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 |
| 2:18 pm |
A girl and guy are speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle. Girl: Slow down. Im scared Guy: No this is fun Girl: No its not. Please, it's too scary Guy: Then tell me you love me Girl: Fine, I love you, but slow down Guy: Now give me a BIG hug Girl hugs him Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me In the paper the next day: A motorcycle crashed into a building last night because of break failure. Two people were involved, a male and a female, but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the 18 year old boy realized that his breaks had broke, but he didn't want to let his partner know. Instead, he made her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, and let her wear his helmet so that she would live, realizing he would be the one that would die. If there's anyone you love this much, re-post this in your journal.... |
| Tuesday, January 18th, 2005 |
| 6:42 pm |
I remember when I used to update all the time now even when I have the chance i can't. I am really starting to understand everything my mother used to say about being a mom. Justin got sick for the first time this last week. He got the flu, an ear infection is each ear and is teething all at once. I have been so worried I check to make sure he is still breathing every time he is sleeping and not just once but like every few min. For those of you that I have lost contact with through the past year or so I am sorry. I knew becoming a mother would take almost all of my time but i always thought that I would still be able to talk to my friends. Now its like if I get a moment to myself I try and take a nap because I am so tired. Honestly though I would not trade Justin for the world. Every time he looks up at me and smiles it is amazing, he has a wonderful laugh that just lights up the room. Yeah sorry about how much I am talking about Justin, but he is my life now. I am trying so desperately to do things the right way I just don't know if I am.I am so scared I am gonna screw up. My family keeps telling me that I am doing everything right but they always say stuff like that. It really amazes me how amazing he is. He is 4 1/2 months old now and I still can't believe that he is mine. I watch him playing on the floor and I can't help but smile. If I knew how to I would put pictures in lj of him, but i just don't know how. In other news I am still with Joe and things are actually still going good. He is being so supportive of everything and he is wonderful with Justin. Look at that back to Justin that quick. My mother is doing good still saying that she is going to get a new job, but she is still there. My sister is still with the dick-head, but she is slowly coming to around to the fact that he is a deadbeat. Me I am good aside from a nasty cold, ear infections in each ear and I perforated ear drum.(can't hear out of my left ear not fun) Well I guess that is enough for now. I'm sure you really didn't want to hear all that about Justin anyways. So by for now. |
| Wednesday, September 1st, 2004 |
| 9:12 pm |
UPDATE!!!!
Well as of Wednesday August 25, 2004 I am a mother. Justin was born at 8:37pm after 4 days of labor. He was 7 pounds 8 oz, 22 inches long, 13 3/4 inch head. He is the cutest. It is really weird to all of a sudden be a mother but I am told I am doing a very good job I just need to relax a bit. He makes a tiny noise and I jump up and am at his side instantly. I just thought I would let everyone that still reads this know that MY SON has arrived. Jess |
| Sunday, February 15th, 2004 |
| 5:58 pm |
Shattered is what was once my heart. Broken to pieces by an unrelenting love. Through so much this love has endured. Through so much more it will continue to burn. Though never again will it be returned. Now I dig myself deeper into the whole I tried so desperately to escape. Always I was afraid to let people in and now I remember why. I don't place blame on any but myself. I now I go to feel the eternal pain of that unrelenting love again. I will always love you. Jess Current Mood: indescribable |
| Saturday, January 24th, 2004 |
| 1:19 pm |
 You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame, they burn with light and power and rebirth. Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an amazingly strong person. You survive, even flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear failure. You know that any mistake you make will teach you more about yourself and allow you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater being. Because of this, you rarely make the same mistake twice, and are not among the most forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion, and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality and know that life is tough and the world is cruel, and it takes strength and independence to survive it. And independence is your strongest point - you may care for others, and even depend on them...but when it comes right down to it, the only one you need is yourself. Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your wings to guide you.You are eternal and because you have a strong sense of who and what you are, no one can control your heart or mind, or even really influence your thinking. A symbol of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very spiritual person with a serious mind - never acting immature and harboring a superior disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's stupidity and tendency to want others to solve their problems for them frustrates you endlessly. Though you can be stubborn, outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly. *~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~* brought to you by Quizilla |
| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 |
| 2:31 pm |
Well for the first time in my life I was scared stiff tonight. I was walking to my car with the deposit to go to the bank and I got robbed. Two men ran up to my car one grabbed me held a knife to my throat and said give me the money bitch. Didn't take my purse just the deposit. I was so scared. I never thought it would ever happen to me. Just one of those things that happen to other people not to you. Just another reason. night all Jess Current Mood:  scared |
| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004 |
| 1:35 am |
years pass
Well today is the first anniversary of my grandmothers death. I don't know how I am taking it. The rest of my family is going to visit her grave today but I can't go with them because I have to work. It is so hard to believe that it has already been a year that she has been gone. It's been a year that I haven't been able to go and ask her advice. A year since I got to hear her voice or see her face. A year since I could watch her smile when she looked at my younger cousins playing and being little girls. Almost one hour from now was when we got the call. When my came crashing down. When reality faded away. One year ago today I lost someone that meant so much to me. I lost the one person I went to when I didn't know what to do. The one person in my family that always seemed to know where I was coming from and never judged me. Well off to work Lots of love Jess Current Mood:  depressed |
| Thursday, January 8th, 2004 |
| 11:20 am |
Thinking to much
Been spending alot of time thinking. Alot of time wondering. Alot of time hoping. Alot of time wishing. There is so much to consider. I am so afraid of if I will make the right choice or not. I can't just think what is best for me I have to consider what is best for the baby. I don't believe in abortion so that is not even an option. Then there is adoption. I don't know if I would be strong enough for that though. Having a baby growing inside me for 9 months and then letting it go. There is so much to think about. I am just so confused. My life went from somewhat stable to completely turned upside down in a matter of minutes. And it could stay that way for the rest of my life. Everything is changing. I am so afraid that I will lose some of the people in my life that I hold so dear. One night of shear stupidity (and yes I know now that was what it was) and my whole life changes. No matter what I decide my life is still going to change. Today a friend gave me a Christmas present. It is a necklace that is for good luck. She also told me that she would be there for me no matter what and help me out where she could. She also gave me a maternity shirt that is really cute. It meant alot that a friend of not so long cares that much. Well had to take the belly button ring out today started to hurt already but it did that off and on anyways. Getting there really I am..... Love always, Jess Current Mood:  thoughtful |
| Thursday, December 25th, 2003 |
| 11:53 pm |
Happy Holidays
Well thought I would post to say happy holidays to all. Been a pretty hectic week for me. Been trying to think through something and I think I could use advice from everyone so here it is. I'm pregnant. I found out on Saturday. Everyone that knows is being supportive including my mother and father. I am just a little confused. I need advice. Well off to bed need sleep. Night all Jess |
| Saturday, December 20th, 2003 |
| 6:03 pm |
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| Thursday, December 18th, 2003 |
| 2:29 am |
fool???
Ever feel like you are being played like a fool. I do. Why is it that people feel the need to play with your mind, your heart, your emotions, and your life???? I will never understand it. In all my life I have only wanted to be happy, and content. I just can't seem to find it whenever something goes right, or seems to, something else goes wrong. I just don't understand it. Jess |
| Friday, December 12th, 2003 |
| 11:47 pm |
Life
Watching the cursor as it blinks on the blank page. In so many ways it reminds me of my life. I stare as if expecting words to write themselves. I know that this is my life. I can’t just sit and wait for things to happen I have to take steps to put my life into movement. For so long I have waited for things to happen to me. I have waited for someone to love me. I have waited for the perfect job to find me. I have waited for my education to come to me. I have longed for things to go right in my life. Through all of this though I have never once tried to start moving for it myself. I find myself regretting so much but I haven’t done anything to resolve the issues. I feel that if I do try I will end up hurting myself or someone else. I feel that when something goes right in my life so much goes wrong in others. I look around and I see so many possibilities. So many things are in my grasp I am just so afraid to grab for them. I don’t even know what it is I am looking for anymore. I know that I want love and I think I may have it but I don’t know. The mixed signals are there but I can’t figure them out. If it is what I think it is and will be extremely happy, but I just can’t bring myself to ask. I am moving along in my job. Making a name for myself, and that makes me happy but at the same time I wonder if I am pouring too much of my life into this job. I keep talking about furthering my education I just can’t find the motivation to do so. People at work keep telling me how good I am at my job and I can’t help but think that they are just trying to make me feel good about myself. I have no confidence. I need to get some self-validation. I just need to find myself. I need to start living my life and stop expecting it to just happen while I sit and wait. I need to find the answers to the questions I am unsure of. I need to know. |
| Wednesday, November 26th, 2003 |
| 11:18 pm |
I never post lyrics so deal.....
Another day is going by I'm thinking about you all the time But you're out there And I'm here waiting And I wrote this letter in my head 'Cuz so many things were left unsaid but now you're gone And I can't think straight This could be the one last chance To make you understand I'd do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Somehow I can't put you in the past I'd do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? 'Cuz I know I won't forget you Together we broke all the rules Dreaming of droping out of school And leave this place to never come back So now maybe after all these years If you miss me have no fear I'll be here I'll be waiting This could be the one last chance to make you understand And I just can't let you leave me once again I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you nanana (...) And I'd do anything for you I'd do anything To fall asleep with you I'd do anything There's nothing I won't do I'd do anything To fall asleep with you I'd do anything 'Cuz I know I won't forget you |
| 3:49 am |
 You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate authority and do everything you can to get around the law, or in some cases, break it. Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a decision is made. Your nature is fiery and courageous, and always out-going. You love attention and usually have kinky fetishes you're not afraid to explore. People either love you or hate you. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla |
| 2:54 am |
wonderful thoughts or lost happiness........contradition much
So many thought running through my head. I can't seem to find the words to be said. Longing to tell him how I truly feel. Hoping that one day he will know. He is my light in the darkest of nights. He is my life when all feels lost. So long has it been since last I held him tight. So long since the words felt right. Now as I look through the times we shared I see all that led me to fear. Not one problem came our way. Not one sign that things would go astray. Then on one horrible night one problem found its way into our lives. Shattering the perfect times we had. Such pain caused by one unthinking moment. Through the pain I could never forget all the loving times we shared. All the times he held me close. All the times he looked in my eyes and told me he loved me. All the hours we spent just laying next to each other without a word. All the times he went out of his way to help me. The way he would tell me everything would be alright when I was upset. The way he put me before himself. So many happy times I can remember. The thoughts bring joy to me for one instant now, and then the pain comes again. Walking in regret for the mistake I made. Walking in regret for what I lost. Wishing that I could take it. Bringing back all those happy times. Trying to move past. I know that is what he wants. So now I shall begin to look for another. Though I know that no one will ever compare. He was the closest to perfect there ever was and ever will be. I will never forget. I can never forget. He was the best thing that ever happened in my life. He was the one person that it didn't matter what he did I couldn't get mad at him. All that mattered to me was that he was there. That I could go to bed and the next day he would be next to me and if he wasn't I could call him just to say I love you and have a great day. He was my strength. Got to get on with my life and so I will. I will find my happiness again. I will live. Jess Current Mood:  calm |
| Sunday, November 9th, 2003 |
| 10:52 pm |
If you were given the chance to have the one thing in the world you wanted, would you take it? I have been thinking the past couple of days or should I say trying not to think. Everything just seems to be going so wrong lately. I want so much to be happy but I feel as if I am pushing any chance of happiness away. I don't know exactly what I mean. I find myself thinking in circles. I start of thinking of one thing jump to another then another then another and so on until I end up thinking of what I was thinking about to begin with. The weird part of this is I am actually in a good mood. I haven't really been that upset. I don't know why. Dealing with the fact that I won't get that second chance with the one that my heart longs for. Figured out why I can't get over him. That is the first step in getting over him I think. The only thing keeping me down in the slightest bit is the fact that I am lonely but enjoying it at the same time. It so weird. Lots of love, Jess P.S. Jayna don't read between the lines. |
| Thursday, November 6th, 2003 |
| 1:19 am |
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2003 |
| 8:55 pm |
Would anyone miss me if I just ran away. Left all this pain and heart break behind. I already feel as if I have been lost in the shuffle of things. I just want to run and hide. I need to stop how I feel. I just can't take this any more I work my ass off and what do I have to show for it absolutely nothing. I have barely and friends that actually care about me. I have a bunch of guys that just like to fuck with my head. I just want to be happy is that so much to fucking ask. I do anything I can to help everyone else be happy. Why can't it happen for me. I can't wait anymore I just want something I know I will never have. What am I supposed to do. I can't run away I can't afford to. I can't hide. I have to work. I can't take it much longer. Someone please help me. |
| Tuesday, November 4th, 2003 |
| 2:53 am |
 Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The Alone. "When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness, melancholy, and patience. It is governed by the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword, or Unrequited Love. As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so much love to give, but thing just never seem to work out the way you want them to. In life, you can be very optomistic, even when things are gray and nothing works out to your expectations. What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To? brought to you by Quizilla |
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dazzler's journal
